The only way I can describe deafness is being claustrophobic, you cannot escape the walls compressing the ability to hear.

As anxiety crawls through your system like adrenaline, you feel trapped as the enclosed walls drown the sound you used to be able to hear. No longer can you breathe deeply and hear you’re voice again, your loved ones whispers are carried away with the breeze before falling upon your ears.

I have struggled and continue to struggle to this very day, with losing my hearing, my past identity and self esteem deteriorated too. The ugly painful baggage of self hatred.

I felt I could implode under the paramount pressure of investigations from GOSH and London Royal ENT. The anger and embarrassment I felt towards myself, the isolation and anxiety is something I never wish to pass down onto my daughter.

So I will continue to use my voice, for her.

It’s ok, not to be ok. And it’s ok to start your self acceptance journey when it’s your time. Nearly 17 years on I’m still struggling.

Published by Mothering Silence

A late twenty-something mother of two boys and a profoundly deaf diva of almighty sass. In between splitting spontaneous sibling wars, curiatimg pillow forts and channeling inner superheroes. Mothering Silence documents a brutally honest truth of the trials and tribulations of motherhood. (The toughest hood.) Here you'll find the weekly ramblings of the rollercoaster life of my journey in motherhood. *Please note my style of writing is tongue in cheek.

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