The only way I can describe deafness is being claustrophobic, you cannot escape the walls compressing the ability to hear.
As anxiety crawls through your system like adrenaline, you feel trapped as the enclosed walls drown the sound you used to be able to hear. No longer can you breathe deeply and hear you’re voice again, your loved ones whispers are carried away with the breeze before falling upon your ears.
I have struggled and continue to struggle to this very day, with losing my hearing, my past identity and self esteem deteriorated too. The ugly painful baggage of self hatred.
I felt I could implode under the paramount pressure of investigations from GOSH and London Royal ENT. The anger and embarrassment I felt towards myself, the isolation and anxiety is something I never wish to pass down onto my daughter.
So I will continue to use my voice, for her.
It’s ok, not to be ok. And it’s ok to start your self acceptance journey when it’s your time. Nearly 17 years on I’m still struggling.